messy heart.

So… I got a new job. Working with 2nd graders in an afterschool program.

If you know me well, you know I’m not the most child savvy girl you’ve ever met.

I’ve been amazed with how much personality and attitude these kids have.

One of my favorites always likes to ask people: “How you did that?… How you did this? No seriously, man, how you DID that??”

It always makes me smile.

Also… there’s this one little boy with some anger issues and a little bit of a dark side, but he is so intelligent. He gets pushed off to the side as a ‘trouble-maker’ but you can tell he just needs an outlet for all of that brain activity. Anyways, we were playing a game called “sparkle” which consists of all the kids standing up at their seats and spelling a word one letter at a time. In other words, if the teacher says “stand” then one child says S, the next says T, the next says A… and so on and so forth. The child whose turn it is after the word is finished has to say “sparkle.” Well, after we’d been playing the game successfully for 10 minutes, this little boy was first for the word “blueberry.” He stands up, indignant, shoves his arms to the side and yells “B L U E B E R R Y.” After a moment of silence, the next kid flails his arms up and screams “SPARKLLLLLLLLE!!!!”  Haha, we all cracked up.

Another highlight is this adorable little indian boy named Sai. He’s not a trouble-maker at all, but always gets caught talking because he’s not that good at being sneaky. :) Today I happened to catch him say to his friend, “hey! look under the table!” and when he did, Sai turned around and wiggled his butt in his friend’s face. hahaha. Sai pronounces “optimus prime” as if it’s “octopus spine.” That’s just another little fun fact.

Among my group are some serious look-a-likes. One little boy, (I say little, but he’s in 2nd grade and almost as tall as me), looks exactly like Al Green. We’ve also got a miniature Tracy Morgan. And boy, is his personality spot on. The actor from 30 rock has some competition in this little guy. Another kid, who wins the award for coolest name I’ve heard in a while, is named Kie’Arryien. Pronounced “kee- ar-ee-an.” He kind of reminds me of T.I. but maybe that’s just me. 

The girls are outnumbered almost 3-to-1, and that makes for some hilarious, hyper afternoons. 

I can’t say who yet, but I definitely have a favorite. And I don’t care if that’s bad to say. He is this sweet little boy who must come from a very strict family because he is incredibly well-behaved. He has this gentle little smile and was one of the first kids to ask me what my name was on my first day. Ever since he’s welcomed me with a big smile and a “hello Miss Giana!” Man, it makes my heart smile! haha. You’ve got to understand, kids usually don’t like me, so to have one remember my name and act like he thinks I’m worth talking to is a big step for me :) Yesterday I had to wait for him to tie his complicatedly-laced shoes for a few minutes at the end of the line, and as he did, he apologized, saying “I’m sorry, but my parents really want me to tie my shoes nicely.” Haha, today we played Connect Four during free time and he was so excited that I wanted to play, too, because he said he thought no one wanted to play with him. It was so precious.

I’m mainly just blogging all this so I can chronicle it for myself and remember all the sweet little things that happen when you put 20-something kids together every day. I have been overwhelmed with the gravity of everything, and I know this is gonna sound ridiculous, but… each of these little minds is so vulnerable, so malleable, and all I want for each of them is to know Jesus. It’s kinda heart-wrenching to watch the kids get picked up. Some of them get picked up by parents who look less than thrilled to be gaining a child for the evening. One kid was being teased by his friend, “oh look! your mom’s here!” “no she’s not!”… “oh look! your dad’s here!” “not uh, i don’t have a dad.” I wanted to scoop him up and take him home with me. Not that I could be his dad, but I know some Christ-loving men who could be. Haha. I hope no one gets the impression that I’m trying to “fix” these kids or “push my views on innocent children”… because if you know Jesus, you know that failing to live like Jesus in front of them would be an act of passive hatred. I want to invest in their lives, and show them that they have infinite value. Infinite worth. Infinite potential. Because Jesus made them. He loves them. This is gonna take a lot of work for me, because I can love the crap out of somebody, but never make it known through actions or sacrifice. I’m definitely gonna have to grow up, put my armor on, and fight for these kids. Because now that I’ve met them, I won’t be able to forget them. :)