messy heart.

this is Dexter. many of you have probably seen pictures of him on facebook or heard me talk about him. let me tell you a little something about life lately.

Dexter and his mom Colleen are friends of mine, and they have opened up their home to me this semester. Living with a friend who happens to be a single mom, and a stud who happens to be 18 months old, has turned out to be quite a sharpening tool for my rough edges. Dexter, though he only says a few words and makes a lot of cool noises no one understands, has taught me a lot about Christ Jesus. and I’m gonna tell you how.

I’ve only lived with Colleen and Dex for a few weeks, but I’ve already been through a range of emotions and challenges. you can ask my boyfriend Caleb. I’m a wimp. First of all, Colleen does so much for that child. She wakes up when he wakes her up. She is the sole caretaker of the crazy boy and when he needs food or new diapers or a bath or sleep or playtime, she’s the one who has to give it to him. She chose to keep him, to let him hang out in her stomach for 9 months, to defend him against the challenges that lie in being a single mom, and she chooses to love him every.single.day. She gets exhausted and frustrated and all the while, he’s throwing things all over the place like little children do and wearing a smile that melts the heart of everyone he meets. Almost. I’ve been known to ignore it if he catches me on a bad day. ;) But in saying all this… I’m getting at something bigger. Way bigger.  

Dexter has never come up to Colleen and said, “love me. I need you to feed me, Mom. I know I messed up the house yesterday, but will you love me today? Please?” No. He’s never said that. He’s never apologized for throwing freshly made food on the floor or for screaming for hours until we figure out what he wants. He’s never tried to make amends or ask for forgiveness. He’s never pretended like he’s the best behaved child on the planet. But to Colleen, he’s everything. I feel like I have forgotten that I am God’s child. That He created me, and that He looks at me and somehow sees something adorable. I try to scramble and pick up all of my mistakes and make some kind of a power point presentation or court case or sales pitch to God to get Him to love me again, and I’m failing to realize that HE ALREADY DOES. HE CANNOT AND WILL NOT EVER STOP LOVING ME. I CANNOT DO ANYTHING TO GET HIM TO LOVE ME LESS OR LOVE ME MORE. his love, unlike anything that i could ever deserve, is I.N.E.X.H.A.U.S.T.I.B.L.E. 

Colleen loves Dexter even though it has cost her pretty much everything. Why? Not because of good works that he’s done. When he was an unborn child, had he done anything to earn her love? No. But he was there, so she loved him. In the same way, God delights in filling my needs and providing for me, because He is my Father. I am His daughter. I am vulnerable and without Him would surely perish. And the longer I try to earn some kind of merit or regain spiritual brownie points after I sin… the more I’m failing to understand what love is. And God, being the Creator of Love, is the expert at it. How blessed are we! When we shut up and realize that we are just children and when we ALLOW ourselves to be loved— that is when we will love Him back. Just as I’m sure Colleen wants Dexter to prosper and love his life, Jesus wants His children to be fully alive and to be full of Living Water, so that we will never perish, will never go thirsty, will never be empty, will never be without the Love that is Life itself. And He wants us to draw near to Himself NOT to restrain us, or make us live a certain way, but so that we can be born into a love— permanently adopted into a family— that will endure eternity. Take a look at these verses on our inheritance.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to His great mercy, He has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to AN INHERITANCE THAT IS IMPERISHABLE, UNDEFILED, AND UNFADING, KEPT IN HEAVEN FOR YOU, WHO BY GOD’S POWER ARE BEING GUARDED THROUGH FAITH FOR A SALVATION READY TO BE REVEALED IN THE LAST TIME.” 1 peter 1:3-5

“In love He PREDESTINED US FOR ADOPTION THROUGH JESUS CHRIST, according to the purpose of His will… in Him we have obtained an INHERITANCE, having been PREDESTINED according to the purpose of Him who works ALL THINGS according to the counsel of HIS WILL… in Him you also, when you heard the word of Truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in Him, were SEALED with the PROMISED HOLY SPIRIT, who is the GUARANTEE of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of HIS GLORY.”  (excerpts from) Ephesians 1.

Now… many people shy away from the word “predestined” but this is not an exclusionary word. It is not say “this is only for these types of people” or “this is only if you’re a good person”… this is saying… you are human. God created you. and as a human, THIS is the type of love and protection and purpose that you were MEANT FOR. you were PREDESTINED to be set apart and to be a part of God’s family. God did not create us to be spiritual orphans. And the beautiful part is, He was proactive in buying us back when He paid for our souls on the cross. 

If you know Him… rejoice in the fact that He DELIGHTS in blessing you. He does not intend to lord your past sins over you. He loves to clean up after you and He loves to see you smile. Just like one grin from Dexter makes Colleen’s efforts worth it, knowing that we are living in His love makes the Father’s heart beam. I am sure of it.